


A Journey to Eternity

by shouyoufied



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Cheating, F/M, Insecurity, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence Issues, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28709022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shouyoufied/pseuds/shouyoufied
Summary: A journey about Hinata Shoyo's feelings to Yachi Hitoka, including his attempts to reach eternity with her.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Yachi Hitoka
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	A Journey to Eternity

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags carefully before you read the whole story! I hope you can enjoy my writings.

* * *

##  **When Did it All Change?**

* * *

“ _When did it all change?_ “

“What?”

“Your feelings towards her. _When did you start to love her more than a friend?_ “

Shoyo doesn't answer immediately; he tries to comprehend all of the feelings he has for the blonde girl whose presence is like a star; _far away, but it's always there_... above the sky.

“To be very honest, I don't know, okay?” He sighs and sips the glass of alcohol in his hand.

Tooru shakes his head after he heard Shoyo's response and then opens his mouth again. “Have you ever told her about your feelings?”

This morning, the orange boy beside Tooru suddenly called him and asked if the latter has free time today because the former needed a friend to accompany him for a drink. Thus, Tooru flew from Argentina to Sao Paulo not long after he received the phone call. Because, Shoyo's not the type of person who would ask for a companion— _desperately_ —if he didn't have (heavy) problems.

“I didn't have the guts,” says Shoyo, a moment after Tooru asked the question. “I still don't have it even until now.”

 _... but why?_ He monologues in his head.

“And why is that?”

“I don't know...,” Shoyo stops his sentence for a while and says, “ _I think I'm afraid of rejection_ that would make me lose one of my best support systems.”

Tooru, once again, shakes his head. Never ever he imagined that Shoyo Hinata would be afraid of rejection—not when he had attended a training camp that didn't even invite him at the first place, not when he had decided to let go of all he has in Japan to learn and pursue beach volleyball in the other side of the world.

“You _really really really love her_ , don't you? To the point, you're afraid of losing her?”

Hearing Tooru's remark, Shoyo once again can't say anything. His head is spinning because of alcohol, moreover, his heart is also starting to beat fast right now.

“I don't think you are a coward. But now, after hearing your story, maybe I can start to believe that you actually are.” Tooru opens his mouth again, then sighs heavily.

“Now you are _already too late_ , yeah?” Tooru sips his drink before continues his words. “You lose her already to another man, correct?”

Shoyo exhales the air that he has held for a while, then he starts to read— _again_ —the messages from the blonde girl whose name is Hitoka Yachi.

The message said, “ _Shoyo, Osamu-san asked me to go out! And I already accepted it._ “

 _Yeah, too late_. Shoyo repeats Tooru's words in his head.

* * *

##  **Was I Ever Enough?**

* * *

_“Was I ever enough?”_

It's around 5 AM in Sao Paulo when Shoyo receives a message from the blonde girl who currently lives in Japan; Hitoka Yachi. He squints at the words, what's up with her? Is something wrong?

He has known her for 9 years; they practically witnessed each other's growth from high school until their young adult life. That's why he has a hunch that _something's up with her_ only by reading her text.

In his opinion, her question indicates that _she's insecure about something in herself_. Furthermore, she also asked him about her strengths and _why he's stuck around as her friends for years_ , several days ago.

 _Is something bothering you, Yachi?_ He replies, then proceeds to go for a run and meditates afterward.

By the time he finishes his morning routines, he checks back his inbox, only to find the reply which inflicts mixed feelings in his heart.

_My partner cheated on me._

He is supposed to feel happy because that means he once again has a chance to level up their relationship. _But no_ , right now, he feels his blood is boiling—he is furious.

 _I let her go to make her happy, but they decided to play with her heart like that?_ He thinks while gritting his teeth altogether.

He tries his best to control the anger for a moment before dialing her number—which has always engraved in his memory.

“Yachi, are you alright? I'm sorry that I didn't call you immediately.”

Silence comes after that; no sign of her smooth voice which always greeted him at least 3 times a week through phone calls. Thus, Shoyo tries to speak again.

“Yachi, I'm here. Talk to me?”

Not long after, the silence is disrupted by a soft whimper that belongs to none other than Yachi Hitoka. His heart aches when he heard that.

 _How dare you hurt Yachi this way?_ That's the first thing that pops out in his mind after he realizes Yachi is crying.

“ _It's okay, I'm here. I'm here_ ,” he reassures her.

The whimpers turned into loud sobs. Knowing about her panic attack, he opens his mouth again to say, “Yachi, could you try to identify 3 sounds around you? It's okay, I'm here, I'm here.”

After that, Shoyo hears her voice—she is mumbling something about _your voice, the engine of the trains_ , and _the sound of water streaming in the toilet_.

“Good, thank you for telling me that,” he answers. “Now, how about name three things that you can see around you?”

Maybe a minute has passed, but Yachi hasn't given him any responses. With a more stable voice than before, she finally says, “there are my shoes, a door in front of me, and my bag in my lap.”

“Thank you, I feel calmer now,” she adds a moment after that.

“Don't mention it,” Shoyo responds again. “What happened though, is there something wrong?”

She delays her answer—again—and that's making him anxious. “Hitoka?”

“Shoyo, _was I ever enough?_ If it's yes, then why did he cheated on me?”

Trying to set aside his anger, he exhales deeply before saying, “he didn't have a taste and he's a bastard. It's not your fault that he's a cheater.”

“You sure about that?” He can still hear her soft sobs from the speaker of his phone.

“Yes,” he answers. “And to answer your first question; you are more than enough.”

 _You are more than enough for me, Hitoka._ He continues the sentences inside his mind.

* * *

##  **I Wish This Never Happened**

* * *

_“I wish this never happened.”_

That's what Shoyo hears after kissing the blonde girl in front of him.

 _No_ , actually, _he has no intention to do that_ in the first place—it's just, his body moved on his own after drank some glasses of alcohol at the Karasuno first-year reunion tonight.

But then again, Hitoka _didn't even reject him earlier_ —not even through her body language. She just... let him kissed her. That's why he's not expecting the cold response from her at all.

“But—Hitoka—”

Hitoka gives an apologetic look at him—her expression is full of regret. “Shoyo, the thing we did earlier,” she trails off her words, “it should've never happened.”

Shoyo throws a look towards her to give her a sign that those sentences sting and hurting him.

“Why didn't you refuse it then?” He says because Hitoka doesn't give any response to his signal. “You even kissed me back?”

Hearing his words, the tear that she has held for a while finally breaks out from her pair of eyes. _That's true, I kissed you back. I wanted it too_ , her mind says.

“Shoyo, I'm sorry...,” she opens her mouth again. “We shouldn't do anything like that ever again... I'm sorry....”

Her cries get harder. That's why, although he really wanted to get mad at her, he just can't. And sadly, he also holds the urge to hug and soothe her with comforting words—when in fact he really wanted to do that.

“And why is that?” he whispers after her weep dies down.

Hitoka can't give him the answer. She continues to let out her feelings into a pool of tears instead while holding the front of his t-shirt in her tiny hands.

 _I can't lose you too, Shoyo_. She thinks.

 _I tend to lose the people I cherish the most when we are committed. I won't let that happen again_.

“We can't. We are a best friend,” she says after a moment of silence between her and Shoyo. “And best friend don't do that kind of thing, right?”

 _Fucking liar_ , she monologues in her head.

 _You already realized that you love him more than a friend, right?_ She nods to herself.

In the end, she chooses to stay being his best friend because _she is too afraid of losing him_ —just like what happened with Osamu before.

* * *

##  **I Don't Regret Anything**

* * *

“ _I don't regret anything_.”

Shoyo expresses the sentences that have bugging his mind for these past few weeks after he kissed the girl with the epitome of a sunflower named Hitoka Yachi.

He always knows that she's not the type of person who will sort her mind in a span of a night. Thus, after that day, he gave her a space to calm herself. In return, he hopes she could finish the puzzles in her mind about her feelings towards him, about _the possibility of starting a new phase in their relationship_.

Moving backward to this early evening, when Hitoka finished her shift at work, she was greeted by Shoyo Hinata in her office's lobby. He wears a simple outfit, an oversized shirt with an Oniku t-shirt inside of it.

“You seem to like having a lot of things in your mind that night,” he opens his mouth. “So, I gave you time.”

The orange-head lad decides to take her for dinner at the traditional Japanese restaurant near her workplace. She has no energy to rejects his offer—too tired after work.

She is still quiet even when they already sit in one of the VIP rooms of that cafeteria. She is deliberating on what to say right now— _he knows_ —because they haven't spoken to each other for almost a month since _they kissed_.

After a minute or two passed, she finally enunciates her thought. “Can we eat first... before we talk about this, _please_?”

“Okay,” he agrees.

The diner goes with a quietness around the two young adults. The blonde woman with a bun hair looks so nervous, trying her best not to ruin the atmosphere with her sudden outburst of emotion. On the other side, the pro volleyball athlete in front of her is eating his food calmly.

Noticing her worry, he stops eating only to clasp her tiny hands in his bigger ones.

“It's okay. _I'm not here to hurt you_ , Hitoka,” he states. “I can never do that. _It's okay_ , alright?”

They haven't started the talk, but she already feels afraid about what will happen after this. _Will I lose you too because of my incapability to love someone, Shoyo?_ That's what _she presumes_ in her mind right now.

“Before you get the wrong idea, _I don't regret anything about us_ ,” he _repeats_ his statement.

He halts the sentences for a while before adds, “our kiss that time, the time I've spent with you ever since high school, my unrequited feelings for you....”

“ _Even after everything that happened, I still love you, and I don't regret it at all_.”

His grasp in her hands gets tighter, but not in a way that will scratch injuries. _It feels warm_ , actually.

“I don't know about you, though?” he adds with a lively tone—indicates that he's joking—to softens the mood around them.

Nevertheless, she knows he earnestly wants to straighten up their problem right now.

Since Hitoka knew Shoyo when he was a teen, she understands that _he is always known about his life goals_ and constantly trying to find ways to make it come true. _And it's including his love life, now_.

She rubs the inside of his hands to let him continue his talk while smiling faintly.

“I wanted to talk about it, so there will be no remorse between us.” He throws a faint smile towards her before brushing her tears. “Do you agree with me?”

 _I don't even realize that I'm already crying_. Hitoka monologues in her head while nodding to his affirmative question.

“Now, can you please answer me _genuinely_?”

She nods faintly while gently caresses his hands now.

“You sure you only love me _as a friend_?” She shakes her head to his first question, without a doubt.

“ _I love you_ as a man, and _more than a friend_ ,” she bravely states the feelings she has held for nearly a month. “I only realized it recently, though.”

He beams at her. It feels like a sun that basking its light towards the people on the beach.

“Great, because I feel the same way. Ask the Grand King if you want evidence!”

“And why is Oikawa-san is related to your feelings towards me?” she playfully asks.

“Uh, I _kinda_ made him fly to Sao Paulo when I found out you were dating Osamu-san,” he sheepishly replies. “I drank with him and told him about my infatuation for you.”

“Oh God... what do I do if I met him? It's kinda embarrassing, don't you think??” she says with a hint of panic.

“Relax, okay? He won't do anything odd to you, believe me.”

She throws an indecisive look before reacts with a small, “okay.”

“Next question. If you love me, why did you push me away?”

The concern is coming back to her face that has relaxed for a while. From what Shoyo sees, Hitoka is currently contemplating about how is she going to answer him. She doesn't know how to utter what she felt about him—at least, that's what he thinks.

“Is it related to your prior relationship?”

She confirms his speculation and clarifies, “after what happened with my previous relationship, _I've been questioning my capability to make someone stay by my side_... like, why did he cheat? Am I not giving enough of my time and attention?

Shoyo gives her an apologetic gaze, feeling sorry for bringing up a sensitive topic. _Out of all questions, why did you ask her about this?_ He quietly blames himself.

“I'm afraid that the ending would be the same if we became more than a friend,” she points out bitterly. _I don't want to lose you because of that_ , Shoyo,” she adds up her sentences in her mind.

The aforementioned man gives her a comforting smile. Suddenly, he feels like having a _de javu_. His thoughts are wandering back to when the blonde woman before him was hesitated to be the manager of Karasuno's volleyball club because of her mom's statement.

“Hitoka, do you remember when you were delighted because Kiyoko senpai did her best to invite you to be our manager?”

She nods confusedly, not knowing where this conversation would end.

“This time, I'm trying my best to convince you to be my partner,” he pauses for a while before adding, “so, would you accept it like that time?”

Shoyo conveys it with the warmest smile he—always—has, which makes Hitoka encounter the same sensation she had in their first tutor session. _Like basking in direct sunlight_ , she ponders in her brain.

_“Would you give it a try with me?”_

**Author's Note:**

> Actually, I've posted this story on another platform for #HQAngstWeek 2020. But I decided to compile it and upload it to AO3. You can share your thought about this story to help me improve! Thank you for reading.


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